Frailty is an ailment that becomes more common with age. It’s estimated that 35% of people over 65 live with some form of frailty in the UK, and the risk increases to 50% for those 85 and over. Frailty doesn’t just affect the person experiencing symptoms, it also impacts the lives of family members, friends, and spouses.
If your spouse is showing signs of frailty, you might wonder how you’ll care for them at home. It can be a lot for you to take on, and finding the right balance between love, care and your own well-being is often harder than it sounds. However, with the right support and practical solutions, you can maintain a good relationship while living well at home.
Today, we’ll explore how to care for yourself and a spouse at home, and the right time to start considering other options.
What Is Frailty?
Frailty is a medical condition that impacts the body’s functions and slows down its ability to cope with otherwise minor illnesses, like a common cold or flu virus. While a healthy person would be able to get over their illness in a few days, someone living with frailty might experience long-term effects, such as delirium and loss of balance.
Frailty puts a person at higher risk for falling or cognitive impairment. What’s more, minor stressors might trigger rapid and dramatic deterioration, meaning they appear fine one day but struggle much more the next.
The risk of frailty increases with age. However, in some cases, the effects of frailty can be slowed down with the right care plan. Some people even manage to reverse their condition, reducing their frailty score to zero. To do this, healthy habits need to be implemented, such as gentle physical exercise, proper nutrition and a good amount of sleep every night.
Keeping a Loved One With Frailty Safe
When a loved one gets a diagnosis that directly impacts their safety, like frailty, you might be worried about keeping them safe, especially when you have limited mobility or muscle weakness yourself. However, many spouses are able to keep their loved ones at home by caring for them themselves, so don’t lose hope.
Here are some practical tips on keeping your frail husband or wife safe on a daily basis:
Reduce Their Fall Risk
According to the NHS, frail older people are more likely to experience a fall due to a lack of balance, disorientation, and muscle weakness. Your loved one might also experience vision problems, which make it more difficult to see obstacles in their way. Osteoporosis, or fragile bones, is a common age-related condition that makes falling much more dangerous, leading to fractures and hospital stays.
To reduce your loved one’s fall risk:
- Utilise lighting: Make sure all rooms have a good amount of natural light during the day, and use motion-sensored lights in hallways and bathrooms at night.
- Check the flooring: Avoid laying down rugs or mats that can curl at the edges, or use carpet tape to secure them.
- Make things easy to reach: Keep food, drinks and frequently used belongings on counters and tables where they don’t have to bend or reach up for them.
- Keep paths clear: Walk from room to room, looking for any low-level furniture or obstacles that could be tripped over.
Encourage Them to Lead a Healthy Life
Following a healthy, balanced diet and exercising regularly is incredibly important for people experiencing frailty. Not only can a good diet give them an energy boost, but the right foods can fuel the muscles to prevent excess loss and weakness. Exercise releases endorphins for mental health benefits and strengthens the body.
To help a frail loved one eat well, you can:
- Serve small, frequent meals: If your loved one has a reduced appetite, offer smaller meals throughout the day to reach their calorie requirement.
- Consider their specific needs: Some frail adults find it difficult to use cutlery or chew food; make adjustments to accommodate these needs.
- Focus on nutrient-dense foods: If they’re eating less, try to focus on whole foods, like fruit, vegetables and lean meats, and for the dishes they do eat.
- Help them eat when needed: They may struggle to hold a fork or cup, so ask them if they need help—but never force them to eat.
- Forget set mealtimes: Encourage your loved one to eat when they’re feeling up to it, rather than waiting for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
To encourage your spouse to remain active, we consider gentle physical exercises for frail elders. These are all suitable for you and your loved one, so you can complete them together for a natural mood lift.
Be Cautious of Dehydration
Dehydration is often very common in older adults, especially those experiencing frailty who find it difficult to hold a glass of water or a heavy drink bottle. If their condition progresses to the point of cognitive decline, they might forget to drink, not realise they’re thirsty or find swallowing liquids difficult.
Dehydration can lead to headaches, UTIs and constipation, all of which can exacerbate frailty. To avoid this, try:
- Leaving a jug of water by their bed or favourite chair
- Offer drinks in easy-to-hold cups with handles, such as a non-spill beaker
- Add fruit slices or mint leaves to water to make it more flavourful and appetising
- Write reminders and leave them around the house
- Offer foods with high water content, like soups, watermelon or grapes
When offering your spouse more water, they may need to go to the bathroom more often. Always make sure the pathway is clear, lights are on during the night, and you’re there to steady them should they need it.
Utilise Assistive Devices
Assistive devices are amazing for older couples, especially when one is experiencing frailty symptoms. They can help you both perform daily tasks without much struggle, improving your quality of life.
Here are some to consider for your home:
- Grab bars in the shower, bathroom and by external doors
- A stair lift
- A shower chair or bath hoist
- Mobility beds or reclining chairs that make it easier to stand
- Walking frames, sticks or crutches
- A wheelchair or mobility scooter
Maintaining a Good Relationship While Caring for Your Frail Spouse
We often hear about tensions rising in relationships when one person steps up to care for another. However, this doesn’t always have to be the case. Here are some tried and true ways to keep your relationship positive while still supporting your frail spouse.
Boost Their Independence
Caring for a frail spouse often means you’ll be picking up more daily tasks, like cleaning, driving and helping them get around. To keep your marriage feeling like a partnership, encourage your spouse to be as independent as possible. Instead of doing things for them, support them while they care for themselves.
This may look like planning meals with them, stabilising them while they water their plants, or buying them an assistive device so they can move around without having to rely on you. Doing so gives them the opportunity to feel independent and boosts their self-esteem, improving mental health and reducing feelings of resentment towards close loved ones.
Understand the Emotional Toll Caring Takes
Suddenly finding yourself in a caring role can leave you with lots of emotions, and it’s important to realise that all of them are valid. Worry, anger and resentment are all possibilities, while your spouse might start feeling guilty or frustrated with their increased care needs. Talking through your feelings instead of keeping them bottled up can do wonders for your relationship, and perhaps even bring you closer.
As your loved one gets older, they might start needing more help with dressing and bathing. This can make both of you feel embarrassed, so have an open conversation about what you’re both comfortable with. It might be helpful to get assistance from a private home carer for things like showering, toileting and oral hygiene.
Lean On Others for Help
Feelings of loneliness and isolation are very common for older people, especially when their frailty prevents them from getting out often and experiencing social activities that they used to enjoy. If this is the case for your spouse, they might rely on you for companionship.
While this is good for your relationship, too much reliance may trigger feelings of suffocation and frustration. It can be helpful to lean on friends and family members, accepting help whenever they offer to spend time with your spouse or take them out. Encourage them to stay connected with their community to avoid you being their only source of social support.
Set Boundaries and Future Plans Early
When there’s a sudden change in dynamic, such as going from equal partners to a patient-carer dynamic, expectations can be made subconsciously. To avoid dealing with conflicts due to these unspoken presumptions not being met, it’s vital that you set boundaries and create plans for the future early on in your caring journey.
For example, there may be caring tasks that you’re not comfortable with doing, so talk about the possibility of a paid carer helping instead. You might also talk about plans for the future if it’s no longer safe for your loved one to rely on just a family carer. Talking openly about these things prevents conflicts and resentment later down the line.
Make Time to Spend Together as Partners
Caring for a loved one doesn’t always lend itself to a good work-life balance. It’s easy to get swept up in caring responsibilities and put your relationship on the back burner. Eventually, your relationship might start to feel more professional than anything else.
To avoid this, always make time to spend together as partners. Watch your favourite TV shows and movies together, play games or complete puzzles, and actively talk about things other than caring. Showing up for your relationship is one of the best ways to balance love and safety with your partner.
Caring for Yourself and Your Spouse
Just because you’ve taken on caring responsibilities for your partner, this doesn’t mean you can start letting your own self-care slip. Without giving yourself enough TLC, you may start to feel trapped, frustrated and burnt out. One of the best ways to manage being a spouse carer is by making enough time for yourself as well as them.
Here are some ways you can care for yourself while caring for a loved one:
- Accept help: Accepting help from loved ones gives you a much-needed break to focus on yourself and think of something else than caring duties.
- Prioritise me-time: Taking regular breaks away from home to go shopping or meet a friend for coffee is a great way to feel refreshed and replenished.
- Express your feelings: Bottling up how you’re feeling increases the risk of resentment and mental health struggles, so talk it all out with someone you trust.
- Find positives in your relationship: Remembering why you’re doing this in the first place can be a great way to boost your mood and remind you of your relationship highlights.
- Stay organised: Caring is much easier when you have a set plan and your thoughts aren’t jumbled, so use a planner to map out your priorities and daily routine.
- Consider other options: There’s no shame in needing an extra set of hands around the house. A live-in carer can help your loved one so you can focus on your relationship.
How Country Cousins Can Help
At Country Cousins, we match all our clients with professional, compassionate carers to offer the best possible support. Whether you’re considering respite care so you can have an hour to yourself a few days a week or full live-in care, we’ll help care for your frail spouse to lift some of the responsibility from your shoulders.
Our services include:
- Assistance with showering, bathing and oral hygiene
- Mobility support and steadying
- Symptom monitoring
- Support with gentle physical activity
- Cooking and healthy meal preparation
- Companionship and emotional support for both of you
While caring for a spouse at home is often an easy decision to make, it’s not always the best one. If you find yourself struggling to balance your relationship with caring duties and self-care, Country Cousins are here to help.
Talk to Our Team Today
As the UK’s longest-serving introductory live-in care agency, we have been providing compassionate live-in care to those who need it since 1959 – all from the comfort of their own homes.
Give us a call today on 01293 224 706. Our experienced team is on hand to help from Monday to Friday, 8 am to 6 pm. Alternatively, contact us through our online enquiry form.
Link to ‘How is the Frailty Score Measured in the UK’ when live on the website
