Dementia affects how we behave, think and communicate with others. As symptoms progress, it can be difficult to talk and listen as effectively as we used to, leaving dementia patients feeling isolated, lonely and depressed. If your loved one has been diagnosed with dementia, you might’ve noticed them struggling to communicate their needs.
This doesn’t mean communication breaks down completely when dealing with dementia, but you need to adopt a compassionate approach when connecting with your loved one. Today, we’ll explore how to use feelings-based communication to foster reassurance and understanding.
Why Is Communication Important?
Being able to communicate comes so easily to many of us that we often don’t realise how difficult it can be when this skill starts to deteriorate. Being able to communicate helps dementia patients make sure their basic needs are met, stop them from feeling isolated and help ensure they lead fulfilling lives despite their diagnosis.
How we communicate has a big impact on well-being and how others feel. Communication involves more than just our words. It’s also in what we talk about, the questions we ask, how we stand and our body language, our timing and tone of voice. This is why it’s so important to approach topics sensitively when talking to people with dementia.
What Is Feelings-Based Communication?
Feelings-based communication uses clear, empathetic language to express and understand emotions rather than surface-level statements. You want to focus on how you’re making your loved one feel, rather than what you’re actually saying. People with dementia might find it easier to recall their feelings rather than what they heard, helping foster the connection between you both.
A good example of this is connection over correction. People with dementia might get small details like dates, names and events wrong when communicating with you. Instead of correcting them, the goal is to respond to the feeling beneath their sentiment. This makes them feel understood and respected, rather than embarrassed and confused.
How to Use Feelings-Based Communication with Loved Ones
Using feelings-based communication is often easier said than done. It requires a lot of patience and empathy to be able to notice the sentiment beneath your loved one’s words, but with the right advice and time to practice the skill, you might find yourself better communicating with each other.
Here are some tips on how to get started:
1. Listen for Feelings Rather Than Words
Most of us use simple statements to communicate our feelings in a more subtle way, and the same can be said for people with dementia. For example, your loved one might say, “I need to go home,” even though they’re already home. Instead of taking this at face value and assuming that they’re just confused, look for why they’re saying it. Wanting to go home might be an indication of them feeling anxious or unsafe.
- Logic-based response: “You’re already home.”
- Feelings-based response: “It sounds like you’re missing home and want to feel comfortable.”
You can then take the necessary steps to make your loved one more comfortable by figuring out what’s making them feel unsafe. This could be something as simple as a new air freshener or rearranging their furniture to make the house feel like someone else’s.
2. Validate Their Emotions
A big part of feelings-based communication is using empathy. Empathy is the skill of viewing a situation from someone else’s point of view. Rather than simply sympathising with the situation, putting yourself in your loved one’s shoes can help you realise the daily challenges of not being able to communicate effectively. You should also talk to your loved one with compassion, understanding and respect.
For example, if you can see your loved one feeling nervous or unsettled, validate their emotions to make sure they feel heard before trying to come up with a solution. You could say:
- “That sounds scary…”
- “I can see you’re upset…”
- “You seem really happy about that…”
Once they know their feelings have been heard and recognised, you can then work to provide a solution to their problem. This is a great way to foster connection and help them feel valued.
3. Look at Your Tone and Body Language
Body language and tone are good ways of communicating your true feelings. Even if you’re saying the right words, negative body language might leave your loved one feeling silly and misunderstood.
For example, saying “I understand how you feel” only goes so far if you appear disconnected or fail to actively listen to their concerns. Wherever possible, use a gentle voice, calm expressions and even touch to communicate your understanding more effectively than just words.
4. Know When to Redirect Them if Needed
While validating feelings is important, it’s also vital to know how to help your loved one redirect their emotions. This is especially true if they are feeling anxious or worried due to their confusion, delirium or other dementia symptoms.
A common example is when your loved one is sundowning, which is when dementia patients feel more stressed and confused during the late afternoon to early evening. Once their feelings have been validated (e.g., “I understand you’re feeling worried/ angry/ upset…”), try redirecting them to a more enjoyable activity, such as listening to peaceful music together or completing a puzzle. This reaffirms your connection without dismissing their feelings.
5. Don’t Overcomplicate Your Communication
When focusing on feelings-based communication, it can be easy to overcomplicate things. While you’ll need to look beneath the surface of your loved one’s words, they shouldn’t have to do the same for yours. Speaking in short sentences with plenty of eye contact and patience can help them feel grounded and present in your conversation.
Feelings-Based Communication Examples for People with Dementia
The best way to learn and practice feelings-based communication is through having several example responses to use when talking with your loved one. Below, we’ve compiled a number of feelings dementia patients often experience and compassionate, empathetic replies you could use.
“I need to go to work, they’ll be waiting for me.”
This often stems from the desire to be responsible for something, have a purpose, and have structure in one’s life.
- Logic-based response: “You haven’t worked there for years.”
- Feelings-based response: “It sounds like you have a lot of energy for the day ahead. Let’s plan something fun to do this morning.”
“Where are my parents?”
Dementia patients sometimes experience a symptom called time-shifting, which distorts their perception to make them believe they’re living in their younger years. It might stem from feelings of insecurity and wanting reassurance or comfort.
- Logic-based response: “Your parents passed away a long time ago.”
- Feelings-based response: “It sounds like you miss your family. Your parents were so caring.”
H3 “I’m scared.”
This might suggest that your loved one is experiencing feelings of anxiety, confusion and loss or orientation. They might be hesitant to tell you what they’re scared of because they don’t know themselves.
- Logic-based response: “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
- Feelings-based response: “I’m right here with you. We can handle the situation together.”
“I don’t want to take a bath / eat / go to bed.”
Reluctance to perform daily activities might indicate that your loved one is feeling vulnerable or like they’ve lost control of their own life.
- Logic-based response: “You have to.”
- Feelings-based response: “I understand you don’t want to do this right now. Why don’t we try again in an hour? Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?”
How Country Cousins Can Help
At Country Cousins, we understand the importance of feelings-based communication with dementia patients. All of our carers have a wealth of experience in dementia care, and our live-in services mean they have plenty of time to communicate as slowly and thoroughly as your loved one needs.
Our dementia care includes:
- Assistance with daily living tasks, such as dressing and bathing
- Companionship and emotional support
- Cooking and light housework
- Encouragement to continue hobbies and social activities
- Help with symptoms such as sundowning and time-shifting
- Support for family and friends
Talk to Our Team Today
As the UK’s longest-serving introductory live-in care agency, we have been providing compassionate live-in care to those who need it since 1959, all from the comfort of their own homes.
Give us a call today on 01293 224 706. Our experienced team is on hand to help from Monday to Friday, 8 am to 6 pm. Alternatively, contact us through our online enquiry form.
