How to Support an Elderly Relative That Doesn’t Want to Go to Care Home
As our loved ones age, decisions about their care can become difficult and emotional. While some older adults may be open to moving into a care home, others strongly resist the idea. If your relative is unwilling to leave their home, it’s important to understand their concerns, explore alternatives and ensure they receive the support they need while respecting their wishes.
Why are some people hesitant?
Many older adults resist moving into a care home for a variety of reasons. Understanding these concerns can help you approach the conversation with empathy and find solutions that work for everyone.
Some of the reasons people may hesitant include:
- Loss of independence – They may feel that moving means giving up control over their daily lives.
- Emotional attachment – Their home holds memories, familiarity and a sense of security.
- Fear of change – Moving to a new environment with unfamiliar faces and routines can be overwhelming.
- Negative perceptions – Stories of poor care, loss of dignity or loneliness in care homes can create fear.
- Financial concerns – The cost of residential care can be significant, and they may worry about losing savings or assets.
Who makes the decision over care?
In most cases, an elderly relative has the right to decide whether to move into a care home, provided they have the mental capacity to make that choice. However, if conditions such as dementia impair their ability to make informed decisions, a legal guardian, power of attorney or healthcare professional may need to step in.
Key factors influencing this decision include:
- Mental capacity – If they can understand the benefits and risks of staying home versus moving into care, their wishes should be prioritised.
- Family involvement – Relatives may need to intervene if their safety is at risk.
- Medical and social care assessments – Professionals can evaluate their ability to live independently and recommend the appropriate level of care.
- Legal considerations – If a lasting power of attorney (LPA) is in place, the appointed person may have the authority to make decisions on their behalf.
While the decision should ideally be made with the person needing care and their family, certain situations—such as a fall, hospitalisation or a significant health decline—may require input from medical professionals or social services. In some cases, hospital staff may insist that care arrangements be in place before an elderly person can be discharged to ensure their safety.
Ultimately, every individual has the right to determine how they want to live, including decisions about their care in later life. Wherever possible, involve them in the process, listen to their concerns and respect their preferences. Whether arranging home care privately or exploring care home options through social services, stepping into their shoes and prioritising their wishes can make a difficult transition feel more empowering and dignified.
Can a person with dementia make decisions about care homes?
A person with dementia may still be able to make decisions about their care, depending on their mental capacity—their ability to understand, retain, and weigh information. The Mental Capacity Act (2005) states that individuals should be assumed capable unless proven otherwise.
To assess their ability to decide, consider:
- Understanding – Do they grasp the key details of their care options?
- Retention – Can they remember and consider the options long enough to choose?
- Reasoning – Do they understand the risks and benefits?
- Communication – Can they express a clear preference?
What if they lack capacity?
If they are unable to make an informed choice, a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) for Health and Welfare or a court-appointed deputy may make decisions in their best interests. Healthcare professionals, social workers and family members may also be involved in determining the best care plan.
Respecting their wishes
Even if they can’t make the final decision, involving them as much as possible—through familiar choices, personal belongings and routine preferences—helps maintain dignity and comfort during the transition.
How to start the conversation about care
Bringing up the topic of care requires careful timing and sensitivity. Choose a moment when both you and your loved one are relaxed and free from distractions—this is not a conversation to rush, so ensure there’s enough time for an open discussion.
Having other family members present can be helpful, but be mindful that it doesn’t feel like an ambush or that decisions have already been made without their input.
Starting with the things your loved one can still do independently can set a more positive tone before gently shifting to areas where they may need extra support. Encourage them to share their thoughts and concerns and listen attentively to their perspective.
It’s crucial that they feel heard and included in the decision-making process. No one wants to feel like they’ve lost control over their own life, so approach the discussion with patience, understanding and respect.
Expect the conversation to take time. This can be an emotional topic, and your loved one may need space to process their feelings. Don’t push for an immediate decision—agree on a time to revisit the discussion and allow them to reflect on their options.
Consider different care options
Moving into a care home isn’t the right solution for all elderly individuals. Exploring different options can help find a balance between ensuring independence while delivering the support they need.
1. In home care
For those who want to stay in their own home, professional carers can provide assistance with daily tasks such as cooking, cleaning, personal care and medication management. This can range from occasional visits to full-time live-in care.
2. Assisted living
Assisted living facilities offer a middle ground between independent living and full-time care. Residents have their own space while benefiting from communal support services such as meal preparation, housekeeping and social activities.
3. Respite care
If a loved one’s main caregiver needs a break, short-term respite care provides temporary support, either at home or in a residential setting. This can also be a way to ease into the idea of full-time care.
4. Sheltered housing or retirement communities
These offer a more independent lifestyle with added security, emergency support and optional care services. Many include communal areas and social activities to help reduce isolation. However, they may not be suitable for individuals with complex medical needs or those requiring round-the-clock care, as support services are typically limited to low to moderate assistance.
How Country Cousins can help
At Country Cousins, we understand that many older adults want to remain in the comfort of their own homes while receiving the care they need. Our experienced live-in carers provide compassionate, one-on-one support tailored to your loved one’s needs, helping them maintain their independence without the need for a care home.
We’re always fully focused on providing the best quality home care at all times and stand by our uncompromising desire to deliver quality care and choice. The choice to remain in your own home, and the choice to continue to live your life in the company of a carefully selected Country Cousin carer.
Talk to our team today
If you are considering live-in care for you or your loved one, get in touch with us at Country Cousins today. We are the UK’s longest-serving introductory care agency, having provided compassionate care to people in their own homes since 1959.
Give us a call today should you have any questions about home care. Our experienced team is on hand to help from Monday to Friday, 8 am to 6 pm. Alternatively, contact us through our online enquiry form.
