Caring for someone with a complex or ongoing medical condition, such as cancer, can be daunting and upsetting. Palliative cancer care is often provided to individuals whose cancer can’t be cured or has stopped responding to treatment. While you may want to support them through this difficult time, it’s important not to overwhelm them.
This is often easier said than done, and many loved ones struggle with caring for someone during palliative cancer care effectively. Today, we’ll explore how you can do this at home and how Country Cousins can support you all through this challenging time.
What Is Palliative Cancer Care?
Palliative cancer care, also known as supportive care, is a holistic approach that focuses on managing symptoms and pain rather than seeking treatments. It covers complex, ongoing or terminal forms of cancer, with the aim of helping you feel supported and comfortable throughout the rest of your journey.
Palliative care often involves:
- Symptom management
- Emotional, spiritual and psychological support
- Practical assistance and guidance, including planning for the future
- Improving quality of life
Palliative care is often used interchangeably with end-of-life care, but these aren’t the same services. While palliative care can include end-of-life care, it is a much broader service and can last for years. Palliative care can be provided at any stage of cancer, assisting through treatments, therapies and emotions.
We have a helpful guide on how palliative care can benefit someone with cancer.
Supporting a Loved One Through Palliative Care
It can be difficult to know how to care for a loved one dealing with terminal or complex cancer. Below are our practical tips on supporting an individual through palliative care without overbearing them:
1. Be Present, Even When You Don’t Know What to Say
If you don’t know what to say to your loved one or feel like you can’t find the right words to convey your feelings, don’t worry. It’s common for friends and family members to struggle with knowing what to say, but the good news is that sometimes, listening is more than enough.
Lend a listening ear to your loved one and encourage them to begin the conversation. They’ll often share their qualms, worries and fears with you, which you can respond to accordingly. Use the silence to understand and process what you’re both feeling.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
A cancer diagnosis comes with a variety of emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, fear, shock, hopelessness and grief. It’s important to know that these emotions are completely normal for both the individual with cancer and their loved ones to feel.
Palliative care is often provided for terminal cancer patients, so feelings of anticipatory grief are common. This is similar to the grief we feel after a death, but before it. You may feel guilty about anticipating your loved one’s death, but again, this is normal.
Repressing feelings as a carer or loved one of a cancer patient can lead to negative emotions and mental health concerns, such as persistent hopelessness and depression.
You can’t provide the best emotional and physical support without looking after yourself, so allowing yourself to feel your emotions is essential to caring for someone during palliative cancer care.
3. Don’t Wait to be Asked For Help
Saying “Let me know if I can do anything” may sound helpful, but it requires extra work from your loved one, as they have to ask you for help. This puts the burden on them, which isn’t helpful at all. Instead, consider different ways to help while maintaining their boundaries.
Some common ways to help your loved one with cancer could include:
- Dropping off dinner or helping them cook nutritious at-home meals
- Helping with household chores, cleaning and pet care
- Drive them around to run errands, attend appointments, or shop
- Look after their pets or children
Consider whether there’s anything that you could do to make your loved one’s life easier, and go ahead and do it. Always respect their wishes and boundaries, and if they ask you to stop, respect this request as well.
4. Talk About the Difficult Topics
Some people think it’s important to focus on the positives and avoid talking about things that might upset their relatives with cancer. However, doing this may make their illness feel like an imposing elephant in the room, and it may make them feel ignored or neglected.
Instead of ignoring cancer altogether, work with your loved one to determine which topics are off-limits to talk about. They may be uncomfortable sharing or talking about certain topics, or simply don’t want to bring them up. Respect their wishes on what they do and don’t want to discuss.
If they are open to talking about difficult topics, encourage them to. They may want to discuss their health, symptoms, end-of-life plans, and care preferences. While these conversations can be difficult, they’re essential to help you understand and accommodate your loved one’s wants and needs.
5. Include Them as Much as Possible
People with terminal cancer sometimes feel excluded from plans and conversations because of their diagnosis. While you might want to save them from stress or strenuous activities, your good intentions might actually make them feel worse.
Cancer palliative care can be very isolating, especially when family and friends leave them out of plans because of their condition. Don’t assume they don’t want to join in on the fun or won’t be able to come with you. Encourage them to participate and find new ways to accommodate their physical limitations.
Even if your loved one can’t attend all of your outgoing social outings, plan things that they can enjoy.
Examples include:
- Board game parties with loved ones
- Movie nights at their home
- Coffee and cake at their favourite local cafe
- Group videocalls
6. Avoid Comparing or Minimising Their Experience
While you may mean well when you use excessive positivity or ‘at least’ statements, these can leave your loved one feeling like their experience isn’t worthy of their strong emotions. Statements such as ‘at least you had time to prepare’ or ‘at least you have palliative care’ can minimise the pain they’re experiencing.
Using too much positivity can discount their true emotions and make them feel like they can’t share what they’re really going through. You should never compare two people’s experiences with cancer, as this can minimise both.
Instead, focus on listening to your loved one, learn about their experience and ask questions to encourage conversation. Don’t bring in your own experience, and sympathise when it’s necessary. Sometimes, people simply need validation in the form of ‘That sounds terrible. I’m sorry you’re going through this.’
7. Remember to Take Care of Yourself
With so many rules to remember when caring for someone during palliative cancer care, you might find yourself neglecting your own emotions. Remember to give yourself regular breaks and find your own support system to help you through your caring duties.
Family carers often struggle to find a balance between caring for a loved one and their own needs.
Remember to:
- Put yourself first: It feels wrong, but family carers can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re struggling to keep up with responsibilities, prioritise yourself temporarily to maintain your contentment and fulfilment.
- Prioritise self-care: Self-care looks different for everyone, so determine what it means for you and make sure you carve out enough time to enjoy some much-needed TLC.
- Find shared interests: Caring for a loved one can often feel like work, so finding shared interests can provide some reprieve where you can both enjoy a fun activity and each other’s company.
- Consider respite care: Respite care provided by a professional carer ensures you have sufficient breaks from caring responsibilities while your loved one is supported at home.
How Country Cousins Can Help
At Country Cousins, we understand the importance of complete, compassionate palliative cancer care. We’ll match you with a fully trained, experienced carer to ensure your loved one feels listened to and understood throughout their cancer journey. Whether you choose us for respite care or more extensive 24-hour live-in support, we’ll treat your relatives with the utmost respect and dignity.
Our palliative care services are personalised to each individual, including:
- Round-the-clock support and monitoring
- Assistance with administrative duties
- Household chores, such as cooking, cleaning and pet care
- Assistance with dressing, bathing and oral hygiene
- Help with daily errands, such as shopping and laundry
- Mobility assistance and steadying
- Companionship and emotional support
Our carers are also available to support families of clients, providing emotional assistance to strengthen their support systems. A cancer diagnosis impacts every family member and friend, meaning comprehensive support is an essential component of our palliative care.
Talk to Our Team Today
As the UK’s longest-serving introductory live-in care agency, we have been providing compassionate live-in care to those who need it since 1959 – all from the comfort of their own homes.
Give us a call today on 01293 224 706. Our experienced team is on hand to help from Monday to Friday, 8 am to 6 pm. Alternatively, contact us through our online enquiry form.
