Learning of a dementia diagnosis is challenging for both the individual experiencing symptoms and their loved ones. Denial is a natural response to bad news. They may fail to recognise symptoms of dementia or refuse to accept a diagnosis, even from professionals.
Denial in dementia can make it difficult for you to provide your loved one with the necessary support and care. Today, we’ll explore ways to cope with denial so you can provide your loved one with the best support possible.
Why Does Denial Occur in Dementia?
There are often two main causes of denial in dementia: stigma around the condition and memory-related symptoms.
Stigma Surrounding Dementia
Dementia often occurs amongst the older generation, in their 70s and 80s. When these individuals were younger, it wasn’t uncommon for people with dementia to be locked away in government-run Elderly Mental Institutions (EMIs). They were called ‘mad’ and ‘crazy’ instead of being given proper, compassionate care plans.
Some of this stigma still remains today, but we know much more about the disease now and are able to manage symptoms more effectively. Denial occurs when older adults still believe this stigma and don’t want to be labelled as someone with dementia.
Dementia’s Influence on Memory
One of the most common symptoms of dementia is changes in memory and cognitive abilities. Your loved one might have a difficult time recalling their trip to the memory clinic or GP’s office, where they were informed of their diagnosis.
If they can’t remember ever being told that they have the condition, then why would they believe you when you remind them? Gaps in memory often lead us to construct our own truths, such as “I’m fine and everyone else is confused.” Your loved one may be more willing to believe their own memories and perception than yours.
Learn more about the emotional changes in dementia with our helpful guide.
Practical Tips for Providing Support to Someone in Denial About Dementia
When your loved one is in denial about their condition, it can be easy to become stressed and agitated about their apparent lack of regard. However, it’s important to remember that denial isn’t deliberate. It’s often a response to the fear or anxiety they’re feeling, and it’s usually not personal. The best way to respond is with compassion and patience.
Understanding how to support your loved one through this process while respecting their feelings is essential to help them cope with this big life change. By adopting the following practical tips, you may help them overcome denial.
1. Utilise the Art of Conversation
Talking to your loved one with simple, empathetic language can encourage them to respond positively to you, building trust between you and increasing their willingness to approach the topic of their dementia.
For example, if the person is your parent, they may want to portray themselves as someone who doesn’t feel anxious or scared around you. If you ask about these feelings, they may respond with defensiveness and denial rather than the truth.
2. Give Them Time and Grace
Adjusting to the reality of dementia takes time, and it can be difficult for people who’ve never experienced such a diagnosis to understand the weight of it. It’s essential that you give your loved one space and time to process their dementia at their own pace.
Denial can be tricky to deal with as, similarly to dementia, if you’ve never experienced it yourself, empathy may not come naturally to you. Giving them grace may encourage them to open up to you in their own time.
3. Know the Facts
While you’re waiting for your loved one to come to terms with their diagnosis, you may feel hopeless. Instead of letting these feelings turn to frustration, research the condition and learn all you can so that when they’re ready to talk, you have all the answers to their questions.
There are several great online sources, such as our dementia hub, where you can find plenty of resources for individuals with dementia and their loved ones. You can also turn to a dementia carer or specialist nurse for support.
To learn more about your loved one’s condition, download our free dementia guide.
4. Focus On Person-Centred Care
Some people choose to address their loved one with facts and figures about a typical dementia case, rather than how their individual condition is affecting them. Focusing on the person rather than the condition can help them feel heard and understood.
Notice the feelings they’re expressing, such as denial, anxiety or confusion, and acknowledge them. Mention that they’re valid feelings, and you’re there if they want to talk through them. Feelings-based communication can encourage further communication and a stronger level of trust between you.
5. Ask for Help From Professionals
Your loved one will likely already have a healthcare team in place, such as a GP, specialist dementia nurse, occupational therapists and more. Use this team to support your loved one’s journey and make them feel as comfortable as possible. They may respond better to weekly appointments with a professional who can discuss their diagnosis as many times as needed.
Dementia care at home can be an invaluable source of help for individuals with dementia and their families, especially if they’re also experiencing denial. Country Cousins’ compassionate carers are fully trained and experienced to offer comprehensive live-in support, making day-to-day living with dementia easier.
6. Don’t Force Them to Acceptance
It’s understandable that you’ll want your loved one to reach acceptance sooner rather than later, especially when it comes to their denial. However, while you might want them to reach this stage faster, try not to push them too hard. Confrontation can make them feel pressured and resistant.
Instead, focus on offering practical support for their specific care needs. They may need more help with daily errands, such as shopping or pet care, or home adaptations to create a dementia-friendly environment.
7. Remain Positive and Respect Their Wishes
Remaining positive about the future is easier said than done, but it’s crucial for encouraging your loved one to open up about their fears.
For example, your loved one’s denial might stem from the idea that their lifespan might be shortened due to their diagnosis. Instead of agreeing, offer a more positive idea that “everyone’s dementia journey is different.”
Respecting their wishes and remaining a positive light in their life after diagnosis can open the door for conversation without making your loved one feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed.
8. Make a Proactive Plan for the Future
Planning for the future can be difficult and upsetting for individuals with dementia, as no one knows what the future will bring. However, proactively talking about the future can help your loved one feel as though they’re in charge of changes, rather than the idea that someone else will have to make decisions for them.
A good starting point could be discussing future care needs and preferences. Many older adults prefer the idea of remaining in the comfort of home as they age, and live-in dementia care can make this possible.
Planning is even more essential for individuals with young-onset dementia. They may be in denial due to fears about caring for young children and about how their spouse will manage. A proactive plan can help them come to terms with their diagnosis by reminding them that their loved ones will be sufficiently cared for in the future.
Managing Your Own Feelings When a Loved One Is in Denial
Denial of dementia can be challenging for the family of the person affected, too. It’s normal to feel frustrated when the person you’re caring for or trying to help won’t acknowledge their diagnosis.
There are several ways you can manage your own feelings during this difficult time, such as:
Consider it from your loved one’s perspective
One of the best ways to become more empathetic toward your loved one is to put yourself in their shoes. If they’re in denial about their diagnosis, their reality hasn’t technically changed. This means that any pressure from you may feel overwhelming and more confusing.
Taking the time to understand how your loved one is thinking and feeling can help you approach the situation with patience and empathy.
Talk to people you trust
Instead of venting your frustrations to the individual with dementia and influencing their negative associations with their diagnosis, talk to others about your concerns. Caring for someone can be emotionally draining, and bottling it all up can take its toll.
Talk to trusted friends and family members, or a professional who can advise you on how to continue caring for your loved one. Dementia advisors or support groups can also be beneficial.
Look after your own well-being
It can be easy to neglect your own feelings and well-being when caring for someone with dementia, but this should be one of your top priorities. Take regular breaks, maintain a healthy lifestyle and find time for yourself to prevent burnout. Looking after yourself gives you more capacity to provide compassionate care for your loved one.
There’s also no shame in asking for help. At Country Cousins, we provide bespoke live-in care for individuals with dementia, keeping them surrounded by their belongings and happy memories.
Our carers can reduce the burden of care responsibilities and provide emotional support for everyone in the family, helping you better come to terms with a dementia diagnosis and persistent feelings of denial.
Talk to Our Team Today
As the UK’s longest-serving introductory live-in care agency, we have been providing compassionate live-in care to those who need it since 1959 – all from the comfort of their own homes.
Give us a call today on 01293 224 706. Our experienced team is on hand to help from Monday to Friday, 9 am to 6 pm and Saturday to Sunday 9 am to 5 pm. Alternatively, contact us through our online enquiry form.
