Supporting an ageing parent while managing your own career and family life can feel difficult to balance. You’ll likely want to be there for your parent as much as possible, while still needing to meet work commitments, spend time with your own family and maintain your everyday responsibilities.
The right approach to this will depend on your parent’s needs, your working arrangements and the support available to you.
However, planning ahead, sharing responsibilities and recognising when more regular care is needed can help make life more manageable for everyone.
How can I balance work and caring for an elderly parent?
Start by understanding what your parent actually needs help with. Their needs may be relatively straightforward, such as shopping, household tasks and getting to appointments, or they may need support with personal care, mobility, medication and daily routines.
It can help to write down the tasks your parent needs help with and how often they need support. This gives you a clearer picture of what you can realistically manage around work.
Try to avoid taking responsibility for everything yourself. Even if you’re the main person supporting your parent, other family members, friends or professional carers may be able to help with particular tasks.
Most importantly, involve your parent in decisions about their care wherever possible. Understanding what support they would like can help you put arrangements in place without taking away their independence.
Talk openly with your employer
If caring responsibilities are beginning to affect your working life, consider talking to your employer sooner rather than waiting until you are struggling to manage.
Depending on your circumstances, there may be options such as flexible working, adjusted hours, working from home or taking time away from work when your parent needs additional support.
You don’t need to share every detail of your family life. However, explaining that you have caring responsibilities may help your employer understand why you need some flexibility.
It’s also worth checking your employer’s policies around carers’ leave and flexible working so you understand what support may be available to you.
Create a realistic care routine
A predictable routine can make caring responsibilities easier to manage alongside work.
For example, you may arrange for regular phone calls before or after work, organise shopping deliveries or schedule appointments around your working hours where possible.
If your parent needs help at particular times of day, make a note of these alongside your work commitments. This can highlight where there are gaps that need to be covered by someone else.
Try not to create a routine that depends on you being available every hour. Plans can change, and unexpected appointments, illness or work commitments can make it difficult to provide support at short notice.
Having a backup arrangement can give you greater reassurance when something does not go according to plan.
Share responsibilities with family members
Caring responsibilities can sometimes fall disproportionately on one family member, particularly if they live closest to the parent or are the person who usually organises appointments and care.
If other relatives are available, talk openly about what needs to be done and how responsibilities could be shared.
This doesn’t necessarily mean dividing every task equally. One person might be able to take your parent to appointments, while another manages shopping or helps with household finances.
A shared calendar or simple list of responsibilities can help everyone understand what has been arranged and reduce the risk of one person carrying everything alone.
Make the most of technology and local support
Technology can make it easier to stay connected with your parent during the working day, particularly if you can’t visit regularly.
A quick phone call, video call or family messaging group can provide reassurance and help you notice changes in how your parent is managing.
Practical services can also reduce the amount you need to organise yourself. Grocery deliveries, prescription services, domestic help, community transport and local activities may all be useful depending on your parent’s circumstances.
If your parent is comfortable with it, trusted neighbours, friends or relatives can also form part of their wider support network.
The aim isn’t to replace family involvement. It’s to make sure your parent has appropriate support without expecting one person to be available for everything.
How can I tell if my parent needs more support?
It can be difficult to recognise when your parent’s needs have changed, particularly if you see them regularly and the changes have happened gradually.
Look out for signs that everyday tasks are becoming harder, such as:
- Struggling to prepare regular meals
- Missing appointments or medication
- Finding personal care more difficult
- Increased difficulty getting around the home
- Becoming less confident going out alone
- Household chores becoming overwhelming
- Spending more time alone or withdrawing from usual activities
You may also notice that you are increasingly taking time away from work to provide care, arranging appointments during working hours or worrying about your parent while you are at work.
These can all be signs that the current arrangements may need to change.
What if I can’t provide all the care myself?
Wanting to support your parent doesn’t mean you have to provide every aspect of their care personally.
Professional care can provide additional support while allowing you to continue working and maintain your own responsibilities.
It is worth discussing the options with your parent early, before a crisis means decisions have to be made quickly. Having an open conversation about what they would be comfortable with can make future changes feel less daunting.
How can live-in care help when balancing work and care?
Live-in care can provide your parent with a regular source of support at home while giving you greater reassurance during the working day.
A live-in carer can help with everyday routines, meals, personal care, medication, mobility, appointments and companionship. They can also provide support with household tasks and help your parent continue enjoying their usual interests and activities.
For families who live further away, or who can’t be available throughout the day because of work and other commitments, having a carer at home can provide an added layer of reassurance.
It also means that your relationship with your parent doesn’t have to centre entirely around care. You can continue being their son or daughter, rather than feeling that every visit or phone call needs to involve checking whether everything has been done.
Look after yourself too
Balancing employment with caring responsibilities can be emotionally demanding, even when you have a good support network.
Try to recognise when you’re becoming overwhelmed and speak to family members, your employer or a professional care provider before things reach a crisis point.
Making time for your own relationships, interests and rest isn’t a sign that you’re doing less for your parent. Looking after your own wellbeing can help you remain present and supportive in the longer term.
Talk to Country Cousins about support at home
If you’re finding it increasingly difficult to balance work with caring for an older parent, additional support at home could make everyday life more manageable.
At Country Cousins, we can listen to your circumstances and explain how live-in care could support your parent while giving you greater reassurance around their day-to-day wellbeing.
Call us in confidence on 01293 224 706, or complete our online enquiry form and a member of our team will contact you the next day.
